I’m Single This Christmas and I’m Over It! (Copy)

Madison is a successful businesswoman in her late 20s who works hard, owns her own place, and cares for herself well, despite living a busy life that is exhausting to hear about. She has a loving family who she cares about deeply, but since graduating college she lives hours and a state away from them. And to top it all off, she is single this Christmas and it sucks. 

She has accomplished the American dream, well almost that is. She is single and so desperately desires a Christian partner in a committed relationship, and perhaps a few children. Her younger siblings are both married and her sister recently announced she is pregnant with her first child. Madison is so happy for her siblings, but secretly grieves her relationship status - single and lonely. 

Things are made worse by well-meaning family members who ask her, “When are you going to make time to settle down and build a family?” Words meant to care for and support her now anger her. Each time a sweet aunt or uncle asks similar questions about Madison’s dating life, her intrusive thoughts rage further. 

Truth be told, this is a retelling of a conversation I had recently with a young adult of Mercy Road Church (changed the name and minor details to protect the privacy of the individual). The person repeated several times, “Being single at Christmas sucks.” 

Being single can be a painful place. Inevitably, singleness and loneliness run as pairs, often compounding sadness, anger, envy, and most dangerously, self-hatred. 

First, let me suggest, it is okay to feel these emotions. Acknowledge how you feel and why you feel the way you do. A bottled-up, stored-for-another-day emotion only intensifies and causes greater destruction later in life. Sometimes it helps to allow these less-than-desired emotions to exist and name them. Hear me out, I am not suggesting you act out these emotions toward your friends and family members. The hope is that because you allow these emotions to exist you can take the first step toward inspiring a kinder response to yourself. 

Second, despite what you may think, loneliness and your relationship status this Christmas are not related. Culture teaches a lie that marriage is the ultimate answer to the pain you feel in your heart. Believing in this lie may tempt you to prematurely jump into a compromised committed relationship.  

Third, if you have been tempted to think a relationship is the answer to your loneliness, ask yourself what you’ve been thinking recently. Maybe you are saying things like, “I so badly don’t want to be single this Christmas that I don’t care who I date. I’m so over being single that I am down for anyone at this point.” If you follow through with that thought, you are likely to find yourself in an unhappy marriage and lonelier than when you were single. A new relationship can’t fix your loneliness, but it could actually add to it. 

Here is the truth our society refuses to buy into: Only Jesus can address the loneliness in your heart - a new boyfriend or girlfriend to show off to the family at Christmas gatherings can’t. The best thing you can do right now is to look at your heart - the areas of your life where you’re saying - “I’m looking for a solution outside of Jesus to fill some void or pain in my life.” 

Singleness can be hard, and singleness paired with feelings of loneliness can be even harder. But here’s the Gospel’s promise: God is with you and God loves you. He is not done with you and He is not going to leave you. He’s got you and He is enough!