I’m Only In My 20s and I Already Feel Behind

I'm only in my 20's, and I already feel behind.

I think I had what Judah & the Lion call a “quarter-life crisis.” In 2018, I turned 25 years old.  I wondered if I had accomplished what I thought I would by 25. I assumed I would have a salaried job. Surely I would go on a tour of the Alps. When I turned 25, I was supposed to have the benefits of being an adult: the freedom to do what I wanted and the money to pay for it. 

In addition to my expectations, scrolling through Instagram made it easy to feel like I was not only failing my assumptions for what it meant to be 25 but also not keeping up with the other 25-year-olds on my Instagram feed. Comparison is the thief of joy, but it also demotivates and makes it harder to gain opportunities. Why try when I have so far to catch up? My quarter-life crisis had me feeling disappointed in myself and resentful toward others. I blamed the education system for not living up to what it advertises. There was not much opportunity for a psychology student. Turning 25 was hard because I felt I was not achieving my potential. 

As a 20-something, you feel like you aren’t necessarily where you want to be. You sense there is a little more to life than you have right now. Honestly, you aren't asking for much. You just want to be on pace, living well but not expecting to be rich. You feel behind when you are not living as well as you wish. But is that feeling of being behind based on reality? What is the “pace” the average 25-year-old keeps? 

That is what I began to wonder as I look back on when I was 25. Was I behind? So let’s look at your average 25-year-old and see whether I was as behind as I felt… 

Average 25-year-old salary: $39,000 

Status: Behind

I was not a salaried employee at age 25. Most 25-year-olds are not salaried these days. When you convert $39,000 a year to hourly wages, it is about $19.50. As a 25-year-old, I worked part-time as a youth pastor, making about a third of $39k. I also had a part-time career coach role that paid $17 hourly. Both of these roles put together did not bring in $39,000. The salary was the area that I felt the worst about at 25 years old. 

Average 25-year-old relationship status: Not married 

Status: Ahead

Here, I was well ahead of the curve. I got married when I was 22, 8 years before the average male would be in the United States. The average age of marriage for males in the United States is 30.6 years old and for females is age 28. I look at this metric and say I was ahead of the curve. Others might look at me getting married at age 22 and think I wasn’t ahead but limiting my options too early. You are ahead of the game if you want to get married in your 20s. I do not see many 20-somethings being behind in this area. 

Average age of homeownership: Age 33 

Status: On pace

While it may seem to high school Daniel like home ownership was a given for a 25-year-old, that is far from the truth. There is nothing wrong with renting throughout your 20s. It would be impressive if you were in a house by age 25. Homes are getting more expensive, and the housing supply in the United States is at a low point.  Looking back, I like the apartment I was renting at 25. It had a huge wooded area behind it and was in a lovely location. I look back and am thankful for the season of renting and having more flexibility to move around. 

Average jobs possessed age 25-32: 4.5 

Status: On pace

The days of having one job after college are long gone. From 25-32, your average person will have had 4.5 jobs. At 25, I had gone through 4-6 positions, depending on whether you count the very part-time roles I had in college as jobs. I was not behind or ahead in this area, but right on pace for my age. The multiple jobs I had from age 22-29 have set me up to know more about what I enjoy in work and what I do not want. I expect to have only a few jobs in my 30s. The 20s have given me the lessons and experiences I needed to know a long-term career.  

Average 25-year-old net worth: $9000 

Status: Behind

Yeah, I needed to catch up on this one. But I was also a graduate student living on the expensive west coast. My net worth was in the negatives because of student loan debt. Being behind in this area made sense for a season of life. The one issue was that scraping that together would have been challenging if I needed $9000 for an expense. I could have done a little better saving for emergencies, but I do not believe that net worth is much of an indicator of a 25-year-olds success.  

Average level of education: 34.9% have a bachelor's degree.

Status: Ahead

Your average 25-year-old does not have a college degree. They are also certainly not in the midst of their master's degree. At age 25, I could say I had a college degree and was close to finishing my master's.  There is a lot of debate as to whether college is worth it. I remember feeling that way when I was 25 and not making much money. My student days are not in the past. Now I see that my education has helped me to catch up in the areas I was behind. I have seen my income triple in the last two years of my 20s. I think my liberal arts education played a huge role in that. 

Out of 6 areas of measurement, I was: 

Behind: 2

On Pace: 2

Ahead: 2

I felt like I was behind everyone else at age 25. But in reality, I was on pace and, in some areas, well ahead of the average person. 

I am sure you read through the average 25-year-old stats and compared yourself to see if you are behind. Here is the good news, if you feel behind in all six areas listed above, that is ok. For one, you may not want some of those measurements of success for yourself. Maybe you want to stay single. You could love the job that pays you $35,000 a year. Homeownership just sounds like too much work to you. 

But if you want to be ahead in all six of these areas but feel behind, there is plenty of time to get ahead. Now you know the goals that you have for yourself. If you want to get married, you can take steps to get there (what those steps are is another blog post entirely). If the average net worth is $9000 and you want to get to $10,000, then you have a measurable objective that you can achieve through learning how to budget, save, and increase your income. 

25-year-old Daniel was not behind, even though he felt like he was. I bet that you are also not as behind as you think. But if you are behind, you are not alone, and there is plenty of time to catch up. Your 20s is an excellent time of experience building. At this moment of life, you are planting seeds, not harvesting. Focus on the process over the results, but keep what results you would like to achieve in mind. And make sure you have people around you who remind you of who you are and what you want.